Destiny versus Consciously Working to Achieve Your Goals to Mend Your Marriage

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A number of people I’ve coached or dare I say, quite a few people in general threw the towel in their marriage instead of going out of their way, trying to find out how to fix a relationship or mend your marriage.  People, especially those in an unhappy marriage, tend to have a mindset of “It just wasn’t meant to be,” or “it’s too much work” and all the way to “Does it have to be this hard?” and even “I’m not happy anymore!” all the way to “I’ve been trying and nothing works!” In other words, are you stuck in an unhappy marriage? First off, there’s a reason why relationships take “work.” Second, it’s not fair to be blaming the other person or subsequently, relying on the other person for your happiness. In fact, studies show that if you are in the relationship expecting the other person to make you happy, you may be in it for the wrong reasons. Third, what things have you been doing, exactly? And are you sure you’re at your best and consistently doing it… or have you become complacent somehow?

For the purpose of this article, I will view destiny versus putting in the “work” from a neutral perspective. However, I do apologize in advance if I seem to lean towards putting in the “work” necessary, since I’ve had numerous success with it in coaching my clients back to a happy and successful relationships from a completely unhappy marriage. The least of what I’ve done is put their relationships back on track and putting things back in perspective.

The Concept of Fate

While I think there is a certain life blueprint that each of us go through in our respective lives, as evident in things happening that is too much to be considered as just a coincidence, I am also a firm believer of free will. And that free will, or the choices and actions you take to get to a certain point, has nothing to do with fate.

Destiny is so broad and can’t possibly be covered in this just one article, so I’m going to focus in on the people that you meet. Yes, they cross our lives for a reason. Anything from chance encounters to having the gut instinct to do something or go somewhere that led you to the meeting. It is what you do when you meet that actually counts! Not to deviate from the topic, but similarly, this is how working on the marriage goes.

Mindfully Taking Action

No matter what your concept of luck is, the general consensus almost always has something to do with taking action. This is not to say that I don’t believe in miracles, but generally that luck will be more on your side the harder you work. The 10-90 rule by which 10% is what happens to you and 90% is what you do with it couldn’t be more true in this case, in addition to your own perception of things.

“Luck is not a magical ability or a gift from the gods. Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving.” as written by Richard Wiseman in his book, “The Luck Factor”

To expound more on what made Wiseman come up with this conclusion, he conducted a study where he had two subjects walk in on a café. Subject A considers himself “lucky” while subject B doesn’t believe in luck. In addition to subjects A & B, Wiseman had an actor who play as a billionaire sitting at the café. Each scenario and circumstance is set the same way for subjects A & B.

Results show that Subject A – who considers himself lucky (prior to this test) – walked in and found a $100 bill on his way to the café and met the billionaire and had an enchanting conversation, and offered a business opportunity. Subject B, on the other hand walked in, hadn’t noticed the bill, and hasn’t struck a conversation with the billionaire.

Both subjects were asked to describe their day and compare notes. Subject B described the day as uneventful, which was totally the opposite of what Subject A had experienced. So, in essence, being in the right place at the right time is all about being in the right state of mind. Wiseman commented on the result: “Same opportunities, different lives.”

So what about you? What is your take on destiny? Do you believe in hard work and taking the necessary action as well as being in the right state of mind to mend your marriage? Are you still wondering how to fix a relationship that’s been down in the dumps for so long? If so, ask yourself… Would you rather be Subject A or Subject B? The choice is up to you. Read “Mend the Marriage” if you decide to take action in your own marriage now.


About the Author:

Annie has spent eight years in helping people recover their marriages. She specializes in one-on-one coaching but also does couples therapy from time to time. She is also a devoted mother of three kids & a loving wife to her husband, Craig, and has been happily married for 15 years.
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