A lot of times, people stay in marriages and end up taking their spouse for granted. In fact, a breakup or divorce is something they never saw coming. 50% of marriages nowadays end in reasons ranging from irreconcilable differences to cheating, but when you really think about it, these shakeups are often a result of one’s perception in their marriage and the roles they play in its demise. And with this in mind, let’s list down all the qualities that people in long term relationships or marriages to see what they have in common…. And what you can do, too, to follow their footsteps in their quest for having everlasting love.
Tip #1: Determining the Source of Frustration
People separate, or ask for a “separation” out of anger or the heat of the moment. While in some cases, it’s due to a buildup of strong emotions and little things that end up exploding, in other cases, it’s a case of letting emotions rule over something that’s important: your marriage. It’s important to speak with a cool head. Continued outbursts do take its toll even in the strongest of marriages out there. So if you think your spouse is used to your behavior, think again.
What to do: Pick a time for discussion. Take time to write your feelings down. Doing so will let you see the source of anger or frustration and you’d likely see that you’re brewing over something that’s not worth it. Take time to realize that these frustrations are often a result of pent up emotions and that you have the choice to either express them in an outburst or talk it over in a logical manner, when you’re both calm. It takes practice, but it’s worth the price since it saves your marriage. [Related: Being Stubborn in Marriage Can Lead to Success]
Tip #2: Never take each other for granted
Taking your spouse for granted or feeling unappreciated will do enough damage over time that one or both people in the relationship will build resentment. People tend to feel “entitled” in long term relationships and discrediting the little things in the relationship or marriage that really makes up for the bigger things, when you think about it.
What to do: Everyone’s love language is different, but taking time to let your spouse know in definite ways that they are appreciated goes a long way. Write down a list of things that you appreciate about your spouse. If it’s the other way around and you feel unappreciated, then take time to write those out, too. But remember to start with the list of things you admire in your spouse, and list down the qualities you need at the bottom. Make it a regular habit and incorporate it to your routine, say, every trimester. This helps you evaluate where you stand with each other as well and can help to keep your marriage on track. [Related: Common Traits of Couples Who Go the Distance]
Tip #3: The Art of Touching
In long term marriages, the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt” can really play out. You or your spouse may sometimes wonder (not necessarily act on it) what it will feel like to be with somebody else, it’s only common and is one of the human flaws – this doesn’t make anyone a bad person or anything. Acting on it is a different story, though, but that’s another topic to be covered in my future articles.
It doesn’t have to be full-blown sex all the time… though why not, right? But keeping intimacy-building activities in mind like hand holding, hugging, etc. does help to facilitate those loving feelings for each other. Touching your partner, especially in times of distress, for example, can help them relax when words are not enough. It releases the important chemicals that bonds two people together. While you can’t expect for these “butterflies” to be there all the time with what you’re used to when you first started dating, touching lets you and your spouse know that you care and that you’re there for them. Regardless of how strong your marriage is or how connected you are on all levels, including telepathically, it’s important to still do these things. Never underestimate the power of touch.
What to do: Take time to cuddle with your partner! You can touch each other’s hands while watching a movie, even hug while you’re in bed together without going further, or pat your spouse in the back when he or she has had a bad day; all these things can help more than you know.
These tips can significantly increase your chance of building a healthier marriage or attempt to save one when it’s about to go into ruins. However, doing these things correctly and without fail have been proven to keep marriages in the upswing.
To know more marriage-saving techniques, consider reading Brad Browning’s “Mend the Marriage” program to help you take steps to fix your marriage!Share