While feelings of infatuation is generally what draws people together — well, initially at least — a secret to long term love is to know the signs when one or both partners experience the test of true love once the “high” is over. This doesn’t necessarily spell doom and gloom for your marriage. Just when you think you’re bound for eternal suffering, worry not, because it may actually be the beginning of a more steady, stable, and grounded marriage if you’re willing to put in the work required!
It’s time to get realistic. When I say work required, I mean to put in the effort. Research suggests that an infatuation can last anywhere from six months up to two years… and what follows is a chance to develop the love of a lifetime. Knowing this fact alone can help you understand what you’re going through and how it’s supposed to be.
The intensity of those feelings cannot remain the same all throughout your marriage. Life always has its ups and downs — and marriage is not an exception to this. Thoughts of divorce or separation or going out to find someone new to connect with may have crossed your mind, understand that this is normal. But then again, this doesn’t necessarily spell all doom and gloom for your marriage.
Re-evaluation of Your Own Feelings
If you fall out of love with your spouse and think all hope is lost, you may want to take a look at various areas in your life which more likely have contributed to this. It’s also very healthy to examine your own values and re-evaluate your wants and needs. If you wonder if you’ve married the right person, try to see if you’ve displayed the characteristics and traits you expect to see in your spouse. Have you become the person you want your spouse to be? A marriage can’t work if one person is doing all the demands while the other feels like their personal slave.
Realistically see if you’re looking for is achievable. Do you expect to get an all-time high or get the same butterflies you get when you first started dating? or for your marriage to be as harmonious as before? As mentioned earlier, it is close to impossible for the brain to maintain the same level of intense feelings over time, consistently. This is why the infatuation phase, like all good things, always come to an end.
Examine Your Marriage
No marriage, or any relationship for that matter, can grow or survive without putting in the necessary effort. True, it may be easy to overlook this fact when the relationship is still at its early phases where your partner can do nothing wrong in your eyes, but over time, the harsh reality of life and love is bound to take over.
1. Have more (amazing) sex — having sex activates a certain region in your brain related to long term love. This activation in the posterior hippocampus is linked to cravings of food and hunger…so technically, making sex a priority helps your marriage. It’s time to romp up your moves in the bedroom!
2. Create new goals in your marriage — studies suggests that love is a goal-oriented behavior. Spouses who are driven to achieve a certain goal naturally stays together to achieve that goal, together.
3. Quality time — something that’s often overlooked especially when kids take up your time, setting aside alone time with your spouse is crucial to the longevity of your marriage. Hire a babysitter for “date night” every once in a while.
4. Listen to your spouse — it can be really tempting to make your point across and standing by your opinion. It is an admirable trait to stand by your principles, but oftentimes, people struggle to state their options so much that they often discount their partner’s input in the matter. While it’s not a good idea to be a pushover, it’s equally a bad idea to be pushing your ideas down your partner’s throat all the time. Balance is key.
5. Fight fair — An absence of fighting doesn’t equate to a good marriage. Disagreements are bound to happen otherwise, this may suggest that one of you is being a pushover (refer to #4). Some people just get nasty during these fights that often the recipient of this anger will tend to feel victimised or being treated unfairly. If you’re the guilty party, make sure to be gentle with your spouse and not make mountains out of molehills.Share