Research: Common Traits of Couples Who Go the Distance

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Life is no fairytale and to be completely honest, there are only a number of couples who stay together until they get old. Romantic songs and movies about love is “forever” can sometimes feel out of reach, people tend to idealize it or fantasize the “ideal romance” as influenced by the media.

True enough, couples who really do stayed “until death” and not die trying to make their marriage work are one-of-a-kind. All kidding aside, a recent study has been conducted to find common traits among couples who go the distance and have weathered the storm together – sometimes apart, but then back together. These traits are common for those who have stayed in their marriage for a considerable amount of time.


The following traits of couples who go the distance discovered are quite obvious but often overlooked in terms of practice. These are not listed in order of priority or importance and is the trait of one or both parties in the relationship:

  • Patience

This shouldn’t be taken lightly. The value of having patience in all things can go a really long way when it comes to the success of a relationship. Studies found that divorce rates have gone higher because people don’t take the time necessary to know their partner well on a deeper level. Sad but true.

  • Sense of Humor

Being able to laugh in spite of life’s trials and tribulations is an important aspect in adding life and many years to a marriage. This goes without saying that serious matters should be taken seriously. The important thing is to lighten up when the situation calls for it instead of being all fired up.

  • Common Goals/Purpose

Individual goals set aside, there should be enough goals in a relationship every now and again to keep it growing to its full potential. This is what keeps a relationship thriving and is vital for almost in every relationship.

  • Good Communication

Words can get easily misunderstood, and without good communication, the relationship can’t pretty much go the distance. Integrity, truth, and honesty, falls in this category as well because without those, communication would be pretty useless. Enough said.

  • Being Vulnerable

There’s a fine line between keeping your pride and not having to say you’re sorry. Mistakes are bound to happen and more often than not, a sincere apology is due. Knowing when to say you’re sorry and really mean it (and hopefully not repeat it) is a quality that keepers possess.

  • Serenity

The ability to detach from a situation so you can peacefully look at it from an objective point of view, as opposed to taking everything personally, can save your marriage from needless trouble down the road, over the years. While it’s important to make use of your own feelings, the skill to balance it with objectivity is an indispensable trait and can in fact, prevent resentments from building up to the point of no return.

Developing these similar traits from couple who go the distance take time and constant practice. There could even be a relapse from time to time where one or both parties slip back to their old ways without even knowing it. But unless you or your partner consciously work toward making these traits a habit, the relationship may not go the distance. You know what they say, relationships take work and marriage, most especially, is no walk in the park!

How do you score on each of these traits in your relationship?  Take a piece of paper and rate it from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. That should enable you to see where to work on the most.  “Mend the Marriage” (men, click here; women, click here) has exercises like these that can help you come to consciousness about where you are in your marriage, how to resolve conflicts, where you need to work on, and so forth. Grab your copy now!Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail

About the Author:

Annie has spent eight years in helping people recover their marriages. She specializes in one-on-one coaching but also does couples therapy from time to time. She is also a devoted mother of three kids & a loving wife to her husband, Craig, and has been happily married for 15 years.
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